Wednesday, February 11

Icy you


In an ideal world, this is how I would traverse the ice

There's usually nothing quite as embarrassing as slipping on an icy path and landing on your arse.
On the way to the shop, I did just that the other day and my ever-sympathetic other half proceeded to cry, nay deteriorate into a blob of teary goo, laughing at me as I did the whole 'I am slipping...oh I think I have rescued myself from it...uh oh I'm slipping more...splat. Ow my arsebone' thing.
But it doesn't end yet and in I went to the local Tesco to get some crap.
The still-laughing ladyfriend waited outside with the dog, whose usual habit is to hold off until at least three or four people are exiting, his cue to defecate with gleeful abandon under the blinding fluorescent lights, watched by the smiling security guard, right at the entrance.
The smiling security guard becomes the 'for fuck saking' security guard.
Anyway, once out of the queue, I realised that all was not yet right.
Through the window, chortling-hysterically lady had been watching me in the queue with a little girl standing behind me staring intently at my arse.
Pervy, eh?
Nope.
She had looked bemused, disgusted, amused and disgusted again, I have been reliably informed. The reason, it turns out, was that my fall had not just almost shattered my spine from the arsebone up, it had left a sizeable wedge of dogshit pressed firmly into my jeans. Delicious.
See you at Wavves tomorrow.

5 comments:

ctrl/alt/delete said...

one thing always bothered me about ice-man's chosen form of traveling, what about the big fuck of slides made of ice that he leaves behind, who cleans them up, are they just left there to melt, and crack sending down huge chucks of ice to the innocent public below? which would you rather have ADAM the death of an innocent bystander on your hands or some dog poo on your designer jeans I ask you???

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Z3tPjtScDE

cha said...

That sir is fucking hilarious (and cuntish)

adam said...

Chuckles - Yeah it was funny for Sinead too, you bastad.
Ctrl/Alt/Seagal - As for Iceman, I always liked the way he left those ice-slides everywhere. Another gormless superhero leaving a trail of destruction while trying to save a schoolbus or something. Not a great power to have either. Probably a big boozer.

LoLo said...

Ice man. Possibly my least favourite of the X-men in terms of powers, but one of the best drawings from Sir Kirby.

Hahaha dogshitbum roflcopter filled with lolcats omg!!!1111

adam shitarse said...

Arrrggggghhhh, I know right?like ya know wotevz.TOTALLY MBARRASSMINT CITY.