Bradjamin Boreton

'Hi, I'm Tom Jism, a former banker. This is my version of a bailout. I'm going to bail my brains out of my head. I watched Benjamin Button too and that certainly couldn't convince me not to liberate my afore-mentioned brains from their skullish prison. Ciao.'

Maybe that is too laborious a title for this post about The Curious Case of Benjamin Button but anyway.
As you probably already know the film is based, albeit very loosely, around a story by F.Scott Fitzgerald (he of The Great Gatsby fame) and involves the tale of a child who is born into an old man's body and ages backwards, eventually becoming a senile man in an infant's body.
David Fincher (director of several works of sheer, unbridled genius not least amongst them being Zodiac)is behind the camera here and it has been said - somewhat cynically and yet plausibly - that this is his bid for an Oscar.
Brad Pitt, a frustratingly talented actor who can be as good as he is bland, plays the eponymous Button and how he got an Oscar nod is beyond me.
This is easily the most 'nothing' film I have seen in ages.
Of course it looks gorgeous, dreamy, hazy, and it is awash with that almost tangible sepia hue of the fantastic Lemony Snicket film. But nothing happens. Less than nothing.
Once the novelty of the special effects wears off, you are left with a rubbish love story that spans an entire life, between Cate Blanchett's character, Daisy - a moody, drawling dancer who manages to make Blanchett look bad - and Benjamin the Dullard.
That's right: this film put me off Cate Blanchett.
Confound you, Ben Button.
At any rate, what follows after laughing at the special effects for the first 20 minutes (Brad's head on an old midget's body - hilarious) is a series of elongated scenes where Benjamin stares blankly at people, speaking in a sloowwww accenttttt thattttt drrrrraggs everythinnnnggg outttt and doing bugger all.
At one stage Daisy and Benjamin meet when they are roughly the same age and...blah blah blah, who really cares.
This is stupifyingly dull.
What is the point of it? And it got how many Oscar noms? Actually, that shouldn't surprise me given the Academy's track record. Christ.
I have to stress that this is not a film with enough conviction to actively hate it, it's just a perplexing oddity, a whimsical glass of water, a cinematic 'nowt'.
There is nothing here that is nearly as profound as it thinks it is and the Forrest Gump comparisons are extremely apt. Don't bother with it. If someone does a rap version of the whole film in six minutes on youtube, a la that Predator rap from ages ago, then watch that.